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July 23, 2008

Recap-CCC Public Forum on Reopening Main St. Mall to Vehicle Traffic

I attended yesterday's meeting, and I took extensive notes so I can pass on the pertinent information to those of you who couldn't be there.  This is a very interesting issue because it brings up a lot of other related city issues.  A large majority of speakers described the proposal as "no silver bullet."

CCC President Jeff Sanford opened the discussion with a presentation explaining why opening the pedestrian/transit mall to cars is a proposed economic solution.  He explained:

  • While there are currently $3 billion in downtown development, only a small percentage of that is going toward any development on Main St, which still has a high ground floor vacancy rate of 35%.
  • While there were about 200 U.S. ped/transit malls in the 60s and 70s, only about 30 remain.
  • As comparisons, after re-opening such areas to vehicle traffic, Louisville, KY, experienced a vacancy rate decrease of 80 - 50% in one year.  And Philly experienced an increase in interest from national chains.

The CCC met with national consultants who recommended allowing traffic, based on the above and what they consider keys to successful pedestrian malls.  Those keys are:

  • Mixed activity uses - Maybe
  • Population of captive users - Yes
  • Programmed activities - No
  • Efficient public transit - Maybe
  • Strong anchors - No
  • Centralized/coordinated retail management - No
  • Extensive parking - Yes (currently 22,600 spaces)
  • High tourism area - Maybe
  • College town or near college neighborhood - No

Now, take note that the "yes, no, maybe's" are the CCC's (and maybe the consultants') determinations (not mine).  Jeff Sanford made a point to clarify that the decision is up to The City, that the CCC will only be making a suggestion.  However, I believe the CCC took the initiative (which is their purpose) that brought the issue to this point.

There were probably close to 100 people in the room, and 30 people spoke.  All of them were smart with good points to make.  An older gentleman pointed out that there are three distinct neighborhoods along the trolley line with different transportation needs and asked that they consider all three. 

Surprisingly, John Bragg (owner of Circa) pretty much changed his mind since being quoted in the CA, citing that the real solution hinges on the "pull of downtown" and getting rid of loiterers. 

Majestic Grille Owner Patrick Riley voiced a concern about cruising and was the first to say he didn't buy vehicle traffic as the silver bullet.

Someone suggested allowing traffic but not at night.  The owner of Yellow/Checker Cab asked that vehicles-for-hire be allowed for picking up and dropping off.  One man asked for a trial period to see how it goes.  And one very community-involved downtown resident and business owner replied that there's already a test - the cops drive on it all the time and use it as their personal parking lot.  She was vehemently against the proposal, based on her firsthand experience through 24 years of different phases.  She was one of many that expressed frustration with the trolleys.

A spokesperson for Carriage Tours of Memphis compared Main to surrounding streets, asking for proof that traffic makes any difference.  A few people pointed out that if the answer was vehicle traffic, South Main and The Pinch District would be booming.

The owner of Leonard's BBQ Buffet (at Main and Adams) expressed almost desperation due to his derelict part of the street, though he didn't seem to be in favor of the proposal either.  Adam Slovis, real estate agent, passed on the concern of potential tenants of no visibility.  He and the few others who were in favor of the change (about 4 total, the others, architects) agreed with the first one's suggestion for running a test for a determined period of time.

Other mentions were: that we've been named one of the most obese cities, so people need to walk anyway, it's a crazy consideration and the wrong time with the current oil crisis, and one anonymous East Memphian complained (to Jeff Sanford) that the bums have been displaced to Poplar/Kirby, which everyone applauded.

So the crowd was overwhelmingly against the proposal, and those who spoke, repeatedly expressed, in different ways, that it was a "backward," ill-timed band-aid that will backfire.  A friend of mine said, "we're not those other cities, and they shouldn't try to make us those cities or apply their solutions to us."  Very true.

My thoughts are that we could more easily and less expensively turn some of those "nos" and "maybes" into the presumed keys of success.  In fact, if you look at those again, I think we already have more "yeses."

Sanford mentioned their new Downtown Alive series in relation to a mixed activity use.  Okay.  So plan more of them.  And what is the difference between that and programmed activities?  Obviously, the trolleys need to improve.  Make them efficient, and that's a "yes." 

Strong anchors?  I would say The Majestic Grille is one, and as for coordinated retail management, couldn't that easily be implemented by the CCC or a Main St. merchant's organization?  The street between Peabody Place and Gayoso is already clean and attractive, and I guarantee it's not because the owners of those businesses wait for someone else to take care of things. 

High tourism.  Is this "maybe" relative to other cities?  It's definitely a local high tourism area.  And as for a college neighborhood, Sanford mentioned that the U of M Law School will soon be downtown but for some reason, dismissed it.  So in my opinion, the CCC's determinations of these keys to success seem a little biased toward this proposal.

As I said, the point was made that the decision is up to The City.  I hope that's not some kind of disclaimer.  Sanford also said that concerned citizens can still email and call the CCC (901-575-0540) with their opinions.  And he closed the meeting, saying, "If we knew then what we know now, would we do what we did, and what would we do differently?"  Uuuh ... exactly?  It will be interesting to see what they recommend.

 

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July 14, 2008

In The News

CNN has repeatedly wasted time today, covering the latest "controversial" New Yorker cover art.  The cover is a cartoon of Michelle and Barack Obama portrayed as flag-burning terrorists.  She's got an afro, and he's Muslim.  While it's been met with outrage, and even McCain's people are saying it's in bad taste, the magazine says it's satire.

As a former subscriber with no feelings about the publication one way or the other (except that their cartoons are always off the wall), I don't even have to read the article the cover illustrates to know that its message is to point out the bad taste of political fearmongering.  I love it when members of the press criticize other members of the press for intelligently exercizing freedom of speech.  The New Yorker's next cover should satirize that.

In a much more important story, Belgian company InBev is buying Anheuser-Busch.  That's right.  Bud and Bud Light are no longer American.  I know!  How do you think I feel?  Betrayed, bewildered ... confused.  A new reason to cry in your beer, which won't be a Bud, at least for a long while.

With my new obsession for filming things, I'm going to start doing iReports for CNN, and depending on how much progress I can make on my current movie, I may be out later, interviewing for their "King of Beers" assignment.

Remember that the CCC will hold a public forum regarding the possible re-opening of the Main St. Mall to vehicle traffic.  It will be on Tuesday, July 22, at 5 pm, in the Convention Center's Riverbluff Room.  If concerned, please attend and be heard.

 

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June 20, 2008

New Findings Predict Surprising Earthquake Aftermath

A new groundbreaking study suggests a different kind of outcome for the looming "big one" along the New Madrid fault system.

The study, designed by Dr. Heigl Straap, takes into account past results, as well as the culture of people in an area, to project the most likely outcome, reaction, and success at survival and maintaining a way of life.

Surprisingly, Straap discovered that the Memphis area would likely demonstrate a highly successful reaction when the "big one" hits the Midsouth.  While the impending earthquake will probably be much like the one of 1811-1812, which is the biggest on record, Straap and the Center for Earthquake Research and Information contend that it will produce more devastation, especially in the downtown area of Memphis, as it is now a more developed and populated area.  However, Straap predicts that it is the culture of any survivors that will make the difference.

Using Straap's Futuro (patent pending) digital technology, here is an image of the projected result:

"Here you see refugee camps that will be set up by survivors," explains Straap.  "But what's different is we found patterns in the culture of this area that point to the likelihood that survivors will have stockpiles of beer, and they will start grilling out.  The people in the Memphis area are actually well prepared.  They will easily adjust to living in tents, and in addition, will actually be having a good time."

"The technology I've developed," says Straap, "allows us to see the future, or the most probable future result.  Here is another digital rendering demonstrating how comfortable the survivors will be and how elaborate the refugee camps will get.  But, of course, the bridge won't be there."

Local seismology expert and spokesperson for the CERI, Harold Krighton, issued a statement in response to these findings.  "We at the CERI find Dr. Straap's methods to be questionable.  His credentials and his Futuro technology are under investigation.  In fact, we're pretty sure his accent is fake and that he's just using pictures from this year's Barbecue Fest.  However, we, nonetheless, concur that his predictions are most likely accurate."

 

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June 19, 2008

Broken Levees Predicted By Led Zeppelin?

A new email claiming prophecy by rock band Led Zeppelin began flooding inboxes today.  Assumed to be started by prophecy enthusiasts, the message specifically credits the rock legends with predicting recent flooding and washing away of levees in New Orleans and now in the Midwest.

Since the connection between When the Levee Breaks (Led Zeppelin IV, 1971) and recent natural disasters was discovered most likely by "starLITE68," propheteers previously obsessed with Nostradamus, are now scouring Zeppelin lyrics for other insights.  But the phenomenon is not without its skeptics.

Larry Guberstein, a leading authority on urban legends and internet hoaxes, says this case is not a hoax, but rather describes it as "just plain ridiculous." 

"Had they not heard the song before?" Guberstein says.  "I don't get it."

Much like an email that circulated about Nostradamus after September 11th, this new email makes eerie connections between the song's lyrics and flood aftermath including "people being all sad and stuff and not having no place to go if the levee breaks."

Starlite even hints at a prediction of global warming, pointing to the lyrics: If it keeps on rainin,' levee's goin' to break.  He also suggests that The Battle of Evermore may be prophecy about the Iraqi War.

The suggestions have been met with harsh criticism, including opinions that the claims are ignorant and disrespectful to flood victims.  starLITE68 has rebutted the criticism on his blog "Starlite Starbrite," stating in no uncertain terms that he will not be moved.  In response to claims that the song was originally written and recorded by "Kansas Joe McCoy" and "Memphis Minnie" in 1929, Starlite states, "Nothing will deter me from my mission."

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June 18, 2008

4 Out of 5 Trolley Drivers Just Want To Be Left Alone

A new study by Downtown Under Development Systems finds that a majority of Memphis trolley drivers don't want to be bothered with passengers.

DUDS is a group of local executives who "lead and fund special initiatives to advance urban culture," and Nolan Sweitzer is one member who saw a need for improvement of the Downtown MATA trolley system.

"So far we've conducted a study and gathered the results," says Sweitzer.  "We now have proof of what we and many Downtown residents suspected."

All willing and anonymous participants were given brain scans while varying images of tourists, trolley stops, points of interest, and passengers flashed before their eyes.  "Only one out of five subjects demonstrated any stimulated brain activity, confirming an overwhelming apathy among the subjects toward their professional duties," says Sweitzer.

The second part of this innovative and expensive study consisted of direct questioning of the subjects on their job satisfaction.  "Over and over," says Sweitzer, "we acquired revealing insights into their motivating factors, such as 'I'd rather not have to stop,' 'I don't like people,' and most of all, a resounding 'I just want to be left alone.'"

DUDS is attempting to work with MATA, who has thus far not returned their phone calls.  "We are trying to open the channels of communication," says Sweitzer.  "At this point we can only offer the public an explanation as to why they get passed up at stops and why drivers repeatedly recommend they wait for the next one."

 

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June 17, 2008

Area Man Never So Motivated As When Satellite Went Out

Downtown Memphian Eric Wade surprised friends and neighbors yesterday when he went to a lot of trouble trying to fix something. 

Wade became worried and agitated when he arrived home from work to find that his satellite signal kept going out.  "The weather wasn't even bad," he explained, "and I felt an almost overwhelming anxiety."

"He called and asked if I had an old receiver," says one neighbor "and then I saw him climbing on the roof.  I was worried because he seemed strangely determined."

One person who wasn't worried was Wade's girlfriend.  "His digging up at least three old satellite receivers, switching them out and testing the smart card, and climbing on the roof to adjust the dish didn't surprise or worry me at all.  It was refreshing to see him working that hard around the house.  Of course, I could've done without having to sit on the phone, relaying the constantly changing signal."

Fortunately, after taking quick action, crisis was averted.  Wade succeeded in resetting the switch, which resulted in a restored and consistent signal. 

As for the outcome, Wade and his girlfriend are pleased.  "I don't know what we would've done if the receiver quit working," Wade says of his illegal satellite service.  "I would hate to have to reset all our timers.  I mean Scrubs reruns are easy, but I'd never be able to replace Poker After Dark.  That's educational.  I guess I could upgrade my Netflix account to five-at-a-time, but that would only be a temporary fix."

"I'm relieved," says his girlfriend.  "This could've been a full-blown crisis.  But he can fix anything if he puts his mind to it ... especially if it involves t.v." 

 

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May 30, 2008

Turtled and Pickled

A local downtown patio was recently turtled and then pickled.  The other morning, a couple of South Main residents (who prefer to remain anonymous) found a live turtle in the cracked-pot-turned-ashtray on their patio.  (Poor turtle in there with all those cigarette butts.)  "There's no way it got in there by itself," one of the homeowners say.  "I set him free in the courtyard."

In a strange turn of events, the same residents found pickle spears scattered all over their patio two nights later.  "None of our crackpot friends are owning up to it," they say.  "And we don't have any enemies, at least not that have access to our patio." 

Experts say the targeted couple may be suffering from PTT&PS, and the victims are looking for answers.

Any information leading to an explanation of this turtling and pickling will be rewarded with a free subscription to this blog.

 

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December 31, 2007

Blue Monkey Still On Schedule for Perpetual Two Month Opening Deadline

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Local activist Rosalie Downs has a monkey on her back, and it's blue.  Have you seen him?  Of course you haven't.

Ever since the Downtown Blue Monkey tragically burned down, and then the owners didn't deliver on their promise to rebuild bigger and better, Downs has been staked out at the Front Street site.

"I'm just waiting," says Downs.  "Waiting and urging those that run the Blue Monkey organization to do what's right for our community."

Since the loss of what was known as the "Cheers of South Main," a community has been rocked and forced to go without a contemporarily quaint watering hole where everyone knows their name.

"Brick by brick and cork by cork, my citizens," says Downs.  "I will stand here until we have our Monkey back."

George ... of the Blue Monkey told memphisLimelight, "We'll open when we open." Just as we thought, George.  Just as we thought.

So it seems that despite the despondency of Downs and the community-at-large, the owners of The Blue Monkey are, in fact, delivering on their promise, and The Monkey will open exactly as scheduled, perpetually two months from now.

Penny Lane, Investigative Reporter

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July 08, 2007

Protestors Boycott Beale St. Classic

Holding Ears

 DAMS, a group of concerned citizens, is urging you to stop listening. (more --> )
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