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July 31, 2008

Finally Something to Blog About

I apologize for not blogging as often lately.  I'm experiencing blogger's block or something.  But that's another post to come soon.  While I adjust, if you haven't already, be sure to subscribe so you'll be automatically updated when I make new posts.  (Just find the SUBSCRIBE link on the right side of page.)

So anyway, before I went home last night, I wanted a soul burger.  And going in to E&H, I stumbled onto (not literally, by the way) a set for the new MTV online series "Soul Cities."  Craig Brewer is directing the webisodes about Memphis, and it's a "reality" show.

I could tell something was going on, but I just wanted a soul burger.  There was a poster taped up that said something about "Filming ... blah blah and a $5 cover."  Well, I don't pay to get in Earnestine's (or anywhere else downtown, for that matter), and the kids, yes, kids at the door looked like they were scared to say anything to me as I walked in.

Well, I was welcome to get a burger and a beer, and I think there were a few other people just hanging out.

What was interesting to me was that when I run into Craig and talk to him, he seems kind of quiet and laid back.  This was the first time I saw him actually directing, and he was totally different.  Very high energy, moving quickly, and shouting, "Quiet please!  Action!  Cut!"  They seemed to be getting different angles of the same thing, which was a guy introducing some friends to someone else.

I guess you never know just what you'll find downtown on a random Wednesday night.  Here's a picture of what Earnestine's looked like:

 Set.jpg

 

 

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July 25, 2008

Tonight

If you're still trying to decide what to do tonight, the Trolley Tour is going on in South Main, which is always a good time.  And someone will be cooking out hot dogs next to Bluff City Coffee.  Mmmm.

Of course, there is also a party at The Red Rooster to benefit the Make A Wish Foundation, and there will be some good bands, including the Dempseys.

Other than that, I suggest just a little more than the right amount of social lubricant.  Now go be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid.

 

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Last Night and New Addition to ON NOTICE Board

I started last night at the Peabody Rooftop, and boy, are those lame.  I hadn't been in a while, so I guess I had to remind myself.  I forgot that you have to buy drink tickets, which is always annoying.  They probably do it so the overpriced drinks seem cheaper.  A now-Belgian Bud is just two tickets, but that's FOUR dollars.  Holy sparkling shit water, Batman!  A mixed drink is six.  And yes, that is American dollars. 

The band was The Mean Green Off-Key Machine.  I'm sorry, but they wouldn't have made it past the first audition of American Idol.  And The Peabody's new gimick is to advertise the parties as networking events to give people a reason to go.  No surprise that there wasn't any networking going on, which was disappointing only because I could use a full time (as opposed to freelance) job.  When I heard "Jesse's Girl," it was time to go. 

And that brings me to another subject.  I hate that song.  It now surpasses "Mustang Sally" in being overplayed and played out.  mL urged people to stop listening to that classic when we first relaunched.  And now I urge you to boycott "Jesse's Girl."  Why must I hear that crap everywhere I go?  Jesse's Girl, consider yourself warned.  You are ON NOTICE!

ON NOTICE:

JESSE'S GIRL

FLIES

OPRAH

THE PREGNANT "MAN"

JACKIE SMITH, RACIST POSER

TRASH-TALKING BITCHES

 

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July 23, 2008

Recap-CCC Public Forum on Reopening Main St. Mall to Vehicle Traffic

I attended yesterday's meeting, and I took extensive notes so I can pass on the pertinent information to those of you who couldn't be there.  This is a very interesting issue because it brings up a lot of other related city issues.  A large majority of speakers described the proposal as "no silver bullet."

CCC President Jeff Sanford opened the discussion with a presentation explaining why opening the pedestrian/transit mall to cars is a proposed economic solution.  He explained:

  • While there are currently $3 billion in downtown development, only a small percentage of that is going toward any development on Main St, which still has a high ground floor vacancy rate of 35%.
  • While there were about 200 U.S. ped/transit malls in the 60s and 70s, only about 30 remain.
  • As comparisons, after re-opening such areas to vehicle traffic, Louisville, KY, experienced a vacancy rate decrease of 80 - 50% in one year.  And Philly experienced an increase in interest from national chains.

The CCC met with national consultants who recommended allowing traffic, based on the above and what they consider keys to successful pedestrian malls.  Those keys are:

  • Mixed activity uses - Maybe
  • Population of captive users - Yes
  • Programmed activities - No
  • Efficient public transit - Maybe
  • Strong anchors - No
  • Centralized/coordinated retail management - No
  • Extensive parking - Yes (currently 22,600 spaces)
  • High tourism area - Maybe
  • College town or near college neighborhood - No

Now, take note that the "yes, no, maybe's" are the CCC's (and maybe the consultants') determinations (not mine).  Jeff Sanford made a point to clarify that the decision is up to The City, that the CCC will only be making a suggestion.  However, I believe the CCC took the initiative (which is their purpose) that brought the issue to this point.

There were probably close to 100 people in the room, and 30 people spoke.  All of them were smart with good points to make.  An older gentleman pointed out that there are three distinct neighborhoods along the trolley line with different transportation needs and asked that they consider all three. 

Surprisingly, John Bragg (owner of Circa) pretty much changed his mind since being quoted in the CA, citing that the real solution hinges on the "pull of downtown" and getting rid of loiterers. 

Majestic Grille Owner Patrick Riley voiced a concern about cruising and was the first to say he didn't buy vehicle traffic as the silver bullet.

Someone suggested allowing traffic but not at night.  The owner of Yellow/Checker Cab asked that vehicles-for-hire be allowed for picking up and dropping off.  One man asked for a trial period to see how it goes.  And one very community-involved downtown resident and business owner replied that there's already a test - the cops drive on it all the time and use it as their personal parking lot.  She was vehemently against the proposal, based on her firsthand experience through 24 years of different phases.  She was one of many that expressed frustration with the trolleys.

A spokesperson for Carriage Tours of Memphis compared Main to surrounding streets, asking for proof that traffic makes any difference.  A few people pointed out that if the answer was vehicle traffic, South Main and The Pinch District would be booming.

The owner of Leonard's BBQ Buffet (at Main and Adams) expressed almost desperation due to his derelict part of the street, though he didn't seem to be in favor of the proposal either.  Adam Slovis, real estate agent, passed on the concern of potential tenants of no visibility.  He and the few others who were in favor of the change (about 4 total, the others, architects) agreed with the first one's suggestion for running a test for a determined period of time.

Other mentions were: that we've been named one of the most obese cities, so people need to walk anyway, it's a crazy consideration and the wrong time with the current oil crisis, and one anonymous East Memphian complained (to Jeff Sanford) that the bums have been displaced to Poplar/Kirby, which everyone applauded.

So the crowd was overwhelmingly against the proposal, and those who spoke, repeatedly expressed, in different ways, that it was a "backward," ill-timed band-aid that will backfire.  A friend of mine said, "we're not those other cities, and they shouldn't try to make us those cities or apply their solutions to us."  Very true.

My thoughts are that we could more easily and less expensively turn some of those "nos" and "maybes" into the presumed keys of success.  In fact, if you look at those again, I think we already have more "yeses."

Sanford mentioned their new Downtown Alive series in relation to a mixed activity use.  Okay.  So plan more of them.  And what is the difference between that and programmed activities?  Obviously, the trolleys need to improve.  Make them efficient, and that's a "yes." 

Strong anchors?  I would say The Majestic Grille is one, and as for coordinated retail management, couldn't that easily be implemented by the CCC or a Main St. merchant's organization?  The street between Peabody Place and Gayoso is already clean and attractive, and I guarantee it's not because the owners of those businesses wait for someone else to take care of things. 

High tourism.  Is this "maybe" relative to other cities?  It's definitely a local high tourism area.  And as for a college neighborhood, Sanford mentioned that the U of M Law School will soon be downtown but for some reason, dismissed it.  So in my opinion, the CCC's determinations of these keys to success seem a little biased toward this proposal.

As I said, the point was made that the decision is up to The City.  I hope that's not some kind of disclaimer.  Sanford also said that concerned citizens can still email and call the CCC (901-575-0540) with their opinions.  And he closed the meeting, saying, "If we knew then what we know now, would we do what we did, and what would we do differently?"  Uuuh ... exactly?  It will be interesting to see what they recommend.

 

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National Hot Dog Day

I hate that I just found this out, but today is National Hot Dog Day!  In fact, July is hot dog month.  Who knew?  Well, now you do.  Go eat a hot dog.
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July 22, 2008

The Year's Last Corn Journal

Well, it's so damn hot, the corn's burned up. Burnt to a crisp. But not all was lost.  Gloria Jean and I reaped the benefits of an abundance of cobs.  So this year's crop was a success.  It's just too hot for it to continue.

The wife is busy puttin' all the corn to good use. Fried corn, boiled corn, grilled corn, steamed corn, sauteed corn, whole corn, creamed corn, corn on the cob, corn chowder, corn pot pie, corn-encrusted lamb chops, corn patties, corn fritters, corn stew, corn salsa, baked corn, broiled corn, stir-fried corn, cornbread, corn skewers, corn cake, corn smoothies, corn shooters, and ... that's about it. See ya next year.

 

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Hot Dogs Cure Cancer! (Or They Helped)

Heating Hot Dogs

Actually, it's not a cure, but a treatment. And it was developed by leukemia patient John Kanzius. I saw this on 60 Minutes (which I think was a rerun from a few months ago), and Kanzius says he did it for the kids he saw in the cancer ward. While he was undergoing treatment himself, he couldn't stand seeing the sad faces of the children and thought there had to be a better treatment without the horrible side effects.

Kanzius built radios as a kid and was inspired by the hobby and what he knew about radio waves. He built a machine that heats up targeted cells with radio waves, eventually incorporated nanotechnology, and the first thing he tested it on to verify raising the temperature of targeted points was hot dogs.

This is said to be a very promising development that may eliminate the torturous aspects of chemotherapy.  Yea, Kanzius, and hooray for hot dogs!

 

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July 18, 2008

Woohoooooooooooo. Zzzzzzzzzzz

Woops, I fell asleep for a second.  Mama got a little over-excited to be done with her movie last night.  Excited and worn out at the same time from working on the damn wonderful stupid thing night and day, dreaming about it, waking up thinking I need to fade those two frames together and delete that stupid scene ... etc.

Thanks to my friend, Otto, who very generously did the digital formatting last night, I have DVDs.  When he was done, I was so relieved, we went to Calhoun's, and you would've thought I won a prize.  And like I said, I was exhausted too, so I was ... punchy, yes, that's it.

I refrained from getting champagne like I wanted to, but at the Blue Monkey when Otto told me about a vodka I hadn't had, I had to try it.  Straight. 

I drink vodka tonics, and my philosophy on mixed drinks is, even though I'm familiar with vodka, you can't taste the vodka's quality when it's mixed with something.  So I get the cheap stuff. 

Dateline or some show like that did a story a few years ago about the popularity of vodka.  They had subjects who had their favorite vodkas and were certain they could pick it out of a blind taste test.  Well, they couldn't, and I knew I couldn't either, mixed that is.  So the moral of that story is a lot of times, you're paying more for the name or packaging.  But of course, if you're going to sip it straight, it pays to have quality, which isn't necessarily pricey.

The new vodka I tried is Tito's, and it was like water should be.  It's that smooth.  Several people already knew about it, who all sang its praises, and it was good.  Interestingly, it's made in Texas (Austin, I think), and it's reasonable, about $12 for a fifth.  And it's available at the Corkscrew.

Now I've got to go turn my movie in to Indie Memphis and take a nap.

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July 16, 2008

www.paulryburn.com/blog

www.ottodestruct.com

www.thehoopandtonyshow.com

 

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July 14, 2008

In The News

CNN has repeatedly wasted time today, covering the latest "controversial" New Yorker cover art.  The cover is a cartoon of Michelle and Barack Obama portrayed as flag-burning terrorists.  She's got an afro, and he's Muslim.  While it's been met with outrage, and even McCain's people are saying it's in bad taste, the magazine says it's satire.

As a former subscriber with no feelings about the publication one way or the other (except that their cartoons are always off the wall), I don't even have to read the article the cover illustrates to know that its message is to point out the bad taste of political fearmongering.  I love it when members of the press criticize other members of the press for intelligently exercizing freedom of speech.  The New Yorker's next cover should satirize that.

In a much more important story, Belgian company InBev is buying Anheuser-Busch.  That's right.  Bud and Bud Light are no longer American.  I know!  How do you think I feel?  Betrayed, bewildered ... confused.  A new reason to cry in your beer, which won't be a Bud, at least for a long while.

With my new obsession for filming things, I'm going to start doing iReports for CNN, and depending on how much progress I can make on my current movie, I may be out later, interviewing for their "King of Beers" assignment.

Remember that the CCC will hold a public forum regarding the possible re-opening of the Main St. Mall to vehicle traffic.  It will be on Tuesday, July 22, at 5 pm, in the Convention Center's Riverbluff Room.  If concerned, please attend and be heard.

 

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July 09, 2008

Now That's Funny. I Don't Care Who You Are

Vance Lauderdale did a blog post (linked on the Flyer website) about finding warning signs funny.  You know, the ones with the stick figures getting crushed by a door, whacked by the arm at a parking garage entrance, or sticking their head in the trash compactor.  That's funny.  I don't care who you are.  I love those signs. 

A funny internet equivalent is Google Ads.  If you have gmail, Google finds ads with words similar to something (or everything) in your email and posts them to one side.  So if you say "How's it hangin," you might see "Uncle Jimmy's Hangin' Balls - three tasty flavors."  That's real.  I promise.  FYI, they're horse treats.  Isn't that a relief. 

But I just received an email with nothing even remotely related to girls or bathrooms, and to the right, I see an ad for bathroom pictures of girls.  Now that's not funny.

I'm relatively new to gmail, so in addition to finding the ads humorous, they're a little creepy.  At first, it's like "Stop reading my mind, Hal.  Don't be dirty, Hal.  I will reboot your ass!"  Robots are funny.  I don't care who you are.

So are bananas, visually.  I mean, let's be honest, you might eat one at home, but it's a little embarassing to be seen with one in public.  I once saw a lady actually slip on a banana peel.  It made my day.

Coincidentally, monkeys are funny too.  Correction, the word "monkey" is funny.  Monkeys will throw feces on you, but if you want to be funny, just say "monkey."  Or "Vaseline." 

 

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July 08, 2008

New Addition to ON NOTICE BOARD

FLIES.

These little buzzing bastards managed to get in my apartment this past weekend when we went in and out a lot.  And the war is on.  Fear and loathing is setting in as I have to pretty much keep the fly swatter with me.  And with the help of Dixie the Wonder Weenie (who's very angry at the sight of them), we've killed a lot.  But every one I killed yesterday seems to have been replaced this morning.  I know they can't reproduce that quickly -- I looked it up.  It's a little scary.

ON NOTICE:

FLIES

OPRAH

THE PREGNANT "MAN"

JACKIE SMITH, RACIST POSER

TRASH-TALKING BITCHES

 

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Hey Ladies!

According to a friend of mine who works there, Divine Rags is having a sale today.  They have a very cute and versatile selection, and you can get 20% off during lunch and 15% off the rest of the day.  So hurry on over.
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July 07, 2008

Memphis, Population Zero?

I'm sorry for not posting the last few days.  I had to get my red, white, and blue freak on, as I hope you did.  Additionally, I'm busy filming a new movie for the Indie Memphis Festival coming up in October, so I've been a little preoccupied and at a loss for blog material.

Today, I saw this blog linked on the Flyer website, and apparently (but not surprisingly), some people experienced the opposite of independence this weekend.

I've said it before, and everyone who knows me knows that I love Memphis.  And like the linked blogger, everyone who knows me knows that when it comes to racial topics, I keep it real, and I don't say anything that I wouldn't say in front of anyone.

The mentioned blogger is Randy Haspel of "Born Again Hippies," and he relates how his stepson was held up at gunpoint and expounds on the irrefutable racial connection to crime in Memphis.

Although there were a few angry comments from readers who were obviously offended, I think he accurately articulated a very real and sad problem.  To me, the angry commenters seem to be trying to guilt him into keeping quiet by accusing him of racism when the fact of the matter is there is a certain element of our local population that is an enemy to the rest of us, and for the most part, they have a certain undeniable look.

In my opnion, the race of these thugs isn't what matters, but rather, it's the fact that there is a deep-rooted social sickness that affects us all.  Lack of education and parenting, poverty, and gangsta glamorization are the causes, and there are entire armies of young "soldiers" raised on street rules.  Not only will they most likely not live long themselves, but a lot of them will take a few innocent victims with them.  Take race out of it.  It doesn't matter what their skin color is because it's sad and scary.  And it's a big problem that has no end in sight.

If you want to be offended, the perpetrators in question are the very people guilty of perpetuating racism, living to intimidate others, while the rest of their race are contributing members of society.  And it's not ignorant or racist to consider fleeing for your life.  In fact, whether you're white, brown, or yellow, I think it's called self-preservation. 

Even for a Memphis fan, it's very disconcerting.  I've heard it a lot lately from different people -- divided loyalties.  Educated, determined people (of all races) who see the city's potential want to stay and be positive forces.  But (as Skippy wrote in the CA), we just don't know if we can afford the dues. 

In addition to those he detailed, perhaps the most expensive is the constant stress of fearing for your life, watching your back, clutching your purse, and having an unimposed but mandatory curfew.  While there has been a lot of progress, a whole new fear is that if something doesn't change, there won't be any loyal, educated, determined, positive influences left.

 

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July 01, 2008

Poopisms

I usually try to provide an informative service with some intelligent humor.  But I know a lot of my readers, and let's face it -- you're not that intellectual.  Therefore, I'd like to share a list of poopisms, which is also a service for those who don't feel comfortable stating their business when they gotta go.  Some friends and I came up with this Sunday at Calhoun's.

  • Taking the Browns to the Super Bowl
  • Dropping the kids off at the pool
  • Doing some paperwork
  • Sculpting a masterpiece
  • Let the Snicker swim
  • Come on, taco!
  • Making corn confetti
  • Blow some mud
  • Painting the circle
  • Shootin some hoop
  • Muddy the water
  • Let the Lincoln Logs roll
  • Let Babe Ruth out
  • Placing a bet on Seabiscuit
  • Laying some cable
  • Pinching a loaf
  • Cleaning the pipes
  • Dropping a deuce

and finally ... it's time to

  • Roll that beautiful bean footage
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Fireworks Scheduled for Friday

Yes, that is the 4th, but sometimes they have them on a different day.  So just to be sure, this CA article has the schedule for the area shows.  Of course, this is the only one that matters:

DOWNTOWN: 

Star Spangled Celebration, Tom Lee Park in Downtown Memphis. Festivities will begin at 3 p.m. Fireworks start at 9 p.m.

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WARNING: JURY DUTY SCAM (NOT A JOKE)

A friend emailed me info on this scam with a link to the FBI website (also verified on snopes.com). 

THE VERDICT: HANG UP
Don't Fall for Jury Duty Scam

06/02/06

 
The phone rings, you pick it up, and the caller identifies himself as an officer of the court. He says you failed to report for jury duty and that a warrant is out for your arrest. You say you never received a notice. To clear it up, the caller says he'll need some information for "verification purposes"-your birth date, social security number, maybe even a credit card number.

This is when you should hang up the phone. It's a scam.

Jury scams have been around for years, but have seen a resurgence in recent months. Communities in more than a dozen states have issued public warnings about cold calls from people claiming to be court officials seeking personal information. As a rule, court officers never ask for confidential information over the phone; they generally correspond with prospective jurors via mail.

The scam's bold simplicity may be what makes it so effective. Facing the unexpected threat of arrest, victims are caught off guard and may be quick to part with some information to defuse the situation.

"They get you scared first," says a special agent in the Minneapolis field office who has heard the complaints. "They get people saying, 'Oh my gosh! I'm not a criminal. What's going on?'" That's when the scammer dangles a solution-a fine, payable by credit card, that will clear up the problem.

With enough information, scammers can assume your identity and empty your bank accounts.

"It seems like a very simple scam," the agent adds. The trick is putting people on the defensive, then reeling them back in with the promise of a clean slate. "It's kind of ingenious. It's social engineering."

In recent months, communities in Florida, New York, Minnesota, Illinois, Colorado, Oregon, California, Virginia, Oklahoma, Arizona, and New Hampshire reported scams or posted warnings or press releases on their local websites. In August, the federal court system issued a warning on the scam and urged people to call their local District Court office if they receive suspicious calls. In September, the FBI issued a press release about jury scams and suggested victims also contact their local FBI field office.

In March, USA.gov, the federal government’s information website, posted details about jury scams in their Frequently Asked Questions area. The site reported scores of queries on the subject from website visitors and callers seeking information.

The jury scam is a simple variation of the identity-theft ploys that have proliferated in recent years as personal information and good credit have become thieves' preferred prey, particularly on the Internet. Scammers might tap your information to make a purchase on your credit card, but could just as easily sell your information to the highest bidder on the Internet's black market.

Protecting yourself is the key: Never give out personal information when you receive an unsolicited phone call.

Resources: Common Fraud Schemes | Jury Fraud Press Release (09/28/05) | Executive’s Identity Theft Testimony

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